Frozen (2013)

Having been preoccupied with editing my new novel, legal mumbo-jumbo, and other joyous tasks I finally have time to turn my attention back to this blog: and what better way to get the show back on the road than by pissing a few people off.

A few months ago my reluctance to let go of Uni life twanged once more and I went out with a few friends. Drink was consumed, shapes were thrown, and I ended up breaking my watch: all in all, a fairly standard night out. The next day, as the haze began to clear and the calls for breakfast were roundly shouted down by our now slightly irritated hosts, me and a fellow acquaintance insisted upon watching the F1 followed by the football: after all, what better way is there to cure a hangover other than sport and hiding from all natural light?

At first, this seemed a good idea: other than Kimi Raikonnen inevitably adding to my woes, the race was decent; and later on Norwich were relegated, fantastic. But then, everything went disastrously wrong. To make amends for the day’s earlier entertainment we were forced (I say we, Andy had already seen it) to watch Frozen.

Now, I should make it plainly clear that I’m not going to right some testosterone filled bollocks, because generally speaking I like Disney films: I mean who doesn’t enjoy The Lion King, The Jungle Book, and Aladdin etc. But Frozen? Oh.dear… I have seen few more irritating films in my life.

Everyone knows it’s the songs that make Disney films, and the greats stay with us. But honestly, how ‘Let it Go’ won an Oscar over ‘Happy’, which is actually a very good song, is beyond me. The majority of the soundtrack I just found annoying, and it certainly does not live up to the lofty heights set by its predecessors.

Then we get to that little snowman thing. I will not mix my words: he irritated the hell of me. Is he the most hateful character in Cinematic history? Yes, yes he is. I may have not been in the best of moods watching this film, but I can’t think of any other character which has inspired such feelings of hatred, and that includes Guy Pearce in Lawless and Joffrey in Game of Thrones. I realise I’m not the intended audience for Olaf but come on, I’m sure I wasn’t the only person hoping he would melt in that fire…

And then to top things off, just as things started to go down, my phone went off. Infuriated that some bastard had the sheer nerve to interrupt my viewing of this engrossing masterpiece I tore my eyes away for a few seconds… and missed the crucial moment of the film. How will I go on?

There are one or two points that I did like however, the film looks very good, and the Ice Palace in particular is done very well. I also enjoyed the more modern twist of Anna being mocked for falling in love straightaway with Hans, which I think is an important message, because lots of guys are arseholes, and others are even worse.

But other than that? Not for me I’m afraid. This strikes me very much as a Disney film for the “Talent-Show” generation. Imagine comparing Stevie Wonder with whoever won some singing contest recently and you get the idea.

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